he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
