Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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