How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
