Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
