We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
