I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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