Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize