she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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