apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
