Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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