it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
