omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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