Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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