did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
