She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
