singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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