well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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