whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
