You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
