She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
