yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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