It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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