I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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