Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
