my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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