drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
