Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize