While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
