i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
did i walk over a car last night?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
