someone get that fucking seahorse.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
this hospital has no fireball
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
