I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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