Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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