I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
