i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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