Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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