life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
