just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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