She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
