i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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