Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
