I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
