i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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