But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
