My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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