I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
