I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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