YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We need to get me chipped asap
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
