You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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