Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
