Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize