Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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