I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
