Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
