When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
