Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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