is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
