so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
