I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
