i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
