if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize