You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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