Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
