She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
