we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
