I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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