lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
