quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It was like giving head to a cactus.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
